Down in NXT Land, The Ascension continued their utter domination of the remnants of NXT's tag division, Corey Graves re-started the filth parade, Bayley kept fighting her way through the BFFs, Big Cass looked to rearrange Tyler Breeze's face, The Miz fought CJ Parker in a match no one really cared about, and Bo Dallas and Adrian Neville got on the train toward NXT Arrival...
Be warned, readers, I go off on a bit of a rant below the break.
The Aforementioned Rant
Let's talk about the Royal Rumble PPV. I ordered it, I watched it, and I had more than a few issues with it.
First, let's talk about the streaming. As I have to work Sunday evenings, I can't watch it on cable. Fortunately, my employer is understanding about my watching videos while on the job, since I work in IT and the calls I get on Sundays in the span of eight hours can be counted on one hand. I've ordered PPVs from WWE and streamed them via the web before, but on Sunday, I was having major buffering issues. When it wasn't buffering, I was getting "Our Apologies, This service is unavailable" errors. I frequently had to reload the page, and sometimes log back into the site, in order to keep watching. This wasn't the first time it's happened to me, either, as I had major issues watching Wrestlemania last year, as my feed completely died just two minutes into the broadcast, and when it came back, it started me back at the start of the pre-show and I could not fast-forward.
This does not bode well for the WWE Network on day one, if they have these problems the day of the Network's launch. It's smart of them to launch the Network more than a month before Wrestlemania 30, as it will give them time to shake out all the hiccups that will inevitably strike, but if the Network crashes or stalls or drops too many times on day one or in that first week, many people will think twice about subscribing.
Now we've got that out of the way, let's talk about the crowd. It's no secret by now that the WWE Universe in attendance in Pittsburgh for the Royal Rumble basically took a big huge steaming dump on the end of the show. Things started out great with an excellent Daniel Bryan vs Bray Wyatt match (so I'm told-- I saw about two minutes of it, due to the streaming issues), which saw Wyatt emerge victorious and look like a beast. Fans were hot for the match.
But then they followed it up with Brock Lesnar vs Big Show, which can't even really be called a match. It was a segment that could have been shown on Raw or Smackdown and accomplished the same thing, and we wouldn't have had to shell out $50 or $60 to see it. Brock came out, he smashed the hell out of Show with a chair, ate one punch, and still managed to hit the F-5 for a win. And then he beat Show down some more. I'll admit, that one segment did more than the entire last year to sell ol' Bork Laser as a freaking beast, but it didn't exactly wow the crowd, who fell into silence and annoyed muttering as the beating went on and on.
And then... ah, then we had the WWE World Heavyweight Championship match between Randy Orton and John Cena. This is a rivalry that we've seen before, in dozens of matches, but the WWE persisted in trying to sell it as a "once in a lifetime" collision. While it's true that fans can have short memories, they're not that short. The fact that the match itself was the same Orton/Cena match we've seen a dozen times already didn't help. The fans revolted, and they didn't stop for the rest of the show.
The fans didn't want to see John Cena vie for the championship. They didn't want Randy Orton to be the champion. They wanted one man. Partway into the match, we started hearing the "Daniel Bryan" chants. They got bored of Orton and chanted "Randy Savage" to get under his skin. They chanted for "Y2J," another persistently popular wrestler who doesn't fit the McMahon Mold. Then, just in case it wasn't clear to the WWE Management what they thought, the fans started chanting "You Both Suck."
Cena played it off as he usually does: he smirked and ignored it. Orton was getting visibly frustrated, and tried to bring things back around by taunting the crowd and posing, but this just got the fans chanting "This is Awful" instead. They were so fed up with the match, the fans even chanted "We Want Divas" and then a damning "End This Match!"
When the Wyatt Family turned up to stop an Orton tap-out, and distracted Cena, the fans actually cheered. They were that sick of the match, they gave them a "Thank You, Wyatt" chant, and started chanting "Yes!" when the Wyatts started beating down Cena. WWE will spin it that the fans were calling for Daniel Bryan, but it's clear to me, at least, that the fans in attendance genuinely wanted Cena to get beat down by the Wyatt Family.
The Rumble itself started to suffer from the same problem. While CM Punk was in the match, they threw their support behind him. As the Rumble wore on, however, it started to occur to a lot of those watching that the fans in attendance were hoping for a surprise Rumble appearance not from a returning superstar (see: Batista, Sheamus, Kevin Nash), but from Daniel Bryan. When Rey Mysterio came out at #30, the fans booed him, not because they hate Rey, but that he wasn't the hero they were hoping for, and when CM Punk was eliminated by Corporate Kane, the writing was on the wall.
At that point, the fans threw their support behind Roman Reigns of the Shield, who had managed to set a new record for eliminations with 12, because they desperately wanted something new, and something new does not include Dave Batista. When the Animal threw Reigns out of the ring to win it, the fans threw their hands up in disgust, and they let the WWE know it.
By the time Raw started the day after, WWE decided to roll with it by slanting Triple H-- who had carefully positioned himself as a somewhat reasonable authority figure-- back in a heelish direction by mocking the fans for being upset that "their guy" Daniel Bryan wasn't in the Rumble. Bryan himself is getting the "#YESmovement" train rolling behind him, and it's not yet clear where anything will land by the time Mania rolls around.
If that weren't damning enough, the scuttlebutt is that CM Punk-- another Internet darling, one of their top talents, and vocal critic of many of the WWE's decisions-- has "gone home" and won't be around for 'Mania either. It's not clear just yet the reasons why, but what is known is that Punk has been working injured for months now, and given Punk's straight edge beliefs against painkillers, it has clearly been wearing on him for a while. I hope that he's just taking time off to rest, recuperate, and recharge, but if he won't return, then it's best he get out now before his body breaks down to the point of Edge or Mick Foley's.
I hope the WWE will learn from this and manage to make Wrestlemania 30 into a decent to good show, but given that the company is still run on the demands and whims of a petty borderline-psychopath named Vincent Kennedy McMahon, I can't hold out hope forever.
Rant over.
NXT Making Good
Last year, NXT star Bo Dallas made a brief blip on the radar by earning a slot in the 2013 Royal Rumble at a WWE Fan Axxess event that weekend, and looked to be setting up a main roster feud by eliminating Wade Barrett. We all know by now how that turned out. The fans didn't care about Bo Dallas, and he was very quickly sent packing back to Full Sail University by Barrett, who gave him a Bull Hammer as a souvenir.
Bo's main roster failure and the turning of the NXT Crowd against him gave NXT the means to salvage his career by slanting him subtly into an insincere babyface with delusions of superstardom, oblivious to the hatred everyone has for him. It can't be denied that his heel turn has worked perfectly, but it's still only a character that works in the unique bubble of NXT, unless the WWE creative team is willing to sink some time into him on the main roster to get it to work there.
This year, NXT once again had one of their stars debut in the Rumble: Alexander Rusev. Sporting new trunks, a new theme, and no sign of Lana, Rusev was put over by Michael Cole and JBL, and pulled off some agile moves for a big man. However, he lasted a relatively short time, and racked up no eliminations. He did catch Kofi Kingston when the latter got thrown out, hit him with a few kneelifts, and then left him on the guardrail, enabling Kofi to do one of his trademark "Rumble save" spots by leaping from guardrail to ring apron.
Rusev wasn't on Raw the following night, however, but did work a dark match before Smackdown, against none other than Kofi Kingston. Lana was with him at that time. During Smackdown itself, a vignette played of Rusev speaking in Bulgarian, before Lana turned up and translated for him. Rusev finished in English, "The Rusev legacy begins now." They're clearly intending to use him on the main roster soon, and are probably just trying to figure out where to slot him in in the current angles.
This week our trio of commentators were Tom Phillips, Alex Riley, and William Regal, with a brief appearance by Renee Young during the women's match. There's not really a whole lot I can say about them, to be honest. Riley wasn't too terrible, but he's still just audible wallpaper. He doesn't stand out too much, and he's still the butt of a few jokes. He even got snubbed by Renee, who shook Regal's hand, and just patted Riley on the shoulder.
Byron Saxton was pulling ring announcer duty, which his voice is quite well-suited for, so I encourage that. Ring announcers might not be the most important part of the show, but they should still have a clear voice and a natural flow and the ability to project their voice as well.
Match #1: The Ascension vs These Guys
As one might expect, this was just another squash match to keep the Ascension busy and to pump up the NXT Crowd. The crowd is definitely getting into the Ascension again, having introduced a new "Yah! Yah! Yah!" chant, which often got thrown out when the Ascension was on offense. Konnor has ditched his big cloak-jacket for a chain-mail shirt, which... honestly is a step backward. Konnor always has a hulking presence, and the cloak-jacket made him look even bigger. The chain-mail shirt just... doesn't really work. The only person who should be wearing chain-mail to a wrestling ring is Scott Steiner, and then only as a hat.
These Guys were introduced, I believe, as Mike Kuwari and Ike Corino. Kuwari started out as the designated victim, but unlike most of them, he actually did manage to score a single move, catching Viktor with a jawbreaker to break away and tag in Corino. Corino, alas, immediately ran into a clothesline from Viktor. Konnor got a big pop for his tag and a diving middle-rope clothesline to floor Corino again. A tag to Viktor, who took out Kuwari again, and then the Ascension hit the corners and caught Corino in the Fall of Man. From there, the pinfall was academic, although the crowd chanted "Yah! Yah! Yah!" with the count to get a smile out of me.
The Ascension look to have gelled pretty well together, and I wouldn't be surprised to see them getting the call-up after Wrestlemania. The Fall of Man finally looked convincing, and perhaps it was the Ascension hitting it from opposite corners that made it click. Commentary noted the lack of competition for the Ascension, stating that the NXT Tag Team Division is "a wreck... since the Ascension adopted their scorched-earth policy."
WWE has typically had a problem keeping an interesting tag team division, given that they persist in looking at tag teams as not a single unit together, but as a vehicle to build singles stars. Countless WWE tag teams have broken up over the years and tried to get the individuals over as singles stars, not always successfully. The main roster at present has the Rhodes Brothers, the Usos, the Real Americans, the Shield, 3MB, and Rybaxel, in addition to the New Age Outlaws, of all people, making an unlikely return. But the Prime Time Players broke up this week, and they look to be building some tensions in the Real Americans as well between Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger.
I honestly wish the WWE would get their act together about the tag division. Stop looking at every tag wrestler as a singles wrestler in the making. Some wrestlers work much better in tag wrestling, and tag wrestling will always have a place in the business. Stop pretending otherwise.
Backstage: Sylvester LeFort's Auditions
A couple of months ago, LeFort's Legionnaires lost one of their members when Alexander Rusev went solo and found new management with Lana. Scott Dawson, from accounts I've read, is out with an injury, leaving LeFort without someone to make him "monay." A few weeks back, LeFort declared he would be holding auditions for a new client, and snubbed Bull Dempsey on sight before getting on the nerves of Mason Ryan, who shoved a dollar bill down his throat.
We got three segments spaced throughout the night as LeFort auditioned These Guys from the NXT scrubs list. The first one was Cal Bishop, who introduced himself as an "All-American wrestler, two-time PAC 12 champ." LeFort, however, turned him down because Bishop has cauliflower ear. "You're a great athlete," LeFort told him, "but there's no way I'm putting those ears on TV."
The next segment featured Sawyer Fulton, a very large man. LeFort was impressed by his size, but got slightly creeped out when Fulton wouldn't release the handshake. Compounding that was the creepy smile Fulton was giving him, and his blanking on the audition, so LeFort dismissed him. Fulton had an almost 'fey' nature about him from that smile, and the way he was holding LeFort's hand.
The third and final segment had Mason Ryan turning up. LeFort, evidently glad to see a familiar (if somewhat unfriendly) face, was glad to see him and asked if he was there for the audition. "I guess you could say that," Ryan replied. Then he dropped the bombshell: he'll work for LeFort, if LeFort can beat him in a match. He left a very nervous LeFort squirming at the prospect of locking up with the Colossus of Cardiff.
These segments were primarily a method to introduce a couple of new faces, giving a little character to These Guys and perhaps indicating that they're due for further development as the roster opens up. Clearly the LeFort/Ryan rivalry will be continuing, and many fans are probably going to enjoy seeing the pompous LeFort get taken apart by Ryan.
Match #2: Corey Graves vs Camacho
Graves hadn't been seen on NXT since his Best-of-3 Falls match with Adrian Neville back in November, an absence that was explained by his suffering a concussion during that match. Concussions are serious business now in pro wrestling, with all the new knowledge about the damage they can do and the after-effects that plague their victims, so I'm all for WWE taking it easy with wrestlers who have had them. Nobody wants to see a repeat of what happened in the summer of 2007.
Graves came out sporting a new vest and took the microphone. "You know, they say that forgiveness is the coward's way out of a fight. Adrian Neville, you tried to end my career. For that, I will never forgive you. But instead, I've got a message for you, Neville, for everybody at NXT and the WWE-- Stay Tuned."
Camacho came out solo on his blinged-out lowrider bicycle, while a completely at-ease Graves just leaned back in the corner and watched him enter. As they locked up, Graves cranked on a headlock and would not let it go despite all of Camacho's efforts. Eventually, Camacho broke loose and hit a clothesline, prompting Graves to take a powder on the floor. When his opponent tried to follow, Graves cut him off on the apron, hitting a dragon screw leg-whip in the ropes. He then immediately got back in the ring and locked in the Lucky 13 submission for the tap-out. After the match, Graves licked a finger and marked a line in the air, as if to say "One down."
Commentary was playing up Graves' cool, calm, and calculating nature throughout the brief match. Regal noted, "I know what it's like to have spite and vengeance in your heart, and I can see it in Corey Graves' eyes." Graves has always been better as a calculating heel, and while he has his detractors, I am personally all for Graves making his mark (or leaving his scar) in the WWE sooner rather than later.
Interview: Antonio CesaroBackstage, Devin Taylor interviewed Cesaro about his denying Sami Zayn his rematch. Cesaro looked annoyed by the question, saying, "Why can't anyone take 'No' for an answer? Why do I have to justify myself? I already beat Sami Zayn, and the only reason anyone still talks about that match is because I was in it. On top of that, he walks out on crutches." He calls Sami delusional that he could even beat him on crutches. He says he has better things to do than explain this to Devin and walked off.
It's clear that Cesaro and Zayn will lock up again, sooner rather than later, and they're just spinning out this angle to make the eventual announcement of the match mean that much more. By accounts of NXT tapings, the match will be booked at NXT Arrival, the live special on the WWE Network on February 27.
Match #3: Bayley (w/ Natalya) vs Sasha Banks (w/ Summer Rae & Charlotte)
The BFFs continue to feud with every Diva and women's wrestler that walks by, and this marks the first week since November 13 that we've seen Charlotte come out to the ring alongside her fellow Beautiful Fierce Females. Renee Young on commentary said that Charlotte explained her absence as having been on vacation, quote, "all over the place."
Bayley, perhaps by association with Natalya, Hart Dungeon Graduate, gave a fan a headband during her entrance, but when Charlotte came out with the BFFs, she made a beeline for her. This tunnel vision of Bayley's, taking her eye off the ball and off her opponent, went badly for her, as Sasha Banks took advantage and jumped her from behind. Sasha has been playing up her 'spoiled brat throwing a tantrum'-style offense, which looks a bit ridiculous, but it also looks convincing enough that I can sort of overlook it.
The 'straightjacket hold' she applied soon after, however, hardly looked like it hurt at all. I've always believed that even a standard 'rest hold' should look like it's hurting or otherwise weakening its victim, even if it isn't. Granted, a straightjacket hold relies on its victim adding to it, to some degree, but Sasha didn't have it very solidly applied.
Bayley eventually got free and fired back with a flurry of offense. When she went up the turnbuckles, Charlotte jumped on the apron to distract her, but Natalya yanked her off the apron. This got Summer Rae to jump her instead, further distracting Bayley in the ring. Sasha almost capitalized with a near-fall, but then Bayley hit the "Belly-to-Bayley" (or "Hugplex") for the win. (Commentary seemed torn on what to call it.)
The BFFs retreated after the match, with Charlotte still looking smug, as Bayley hasn't yet gotten her hands on her. This does, however, mark Bayley's second victory over the BFFs, having beaten two out of the three.
Match #4: Colin Cassady vs Tyler Breeze
BIG CASS is still hugely over with the NXT Crowd, and was doing what I can only describe as "long-distance fist-bumps" with the crowd during his entrance. He spelled out "SAWFT" in the air as well, keeping the catchphrase strong. During Breeze's entrance, commentary talked about the fur in this week's outfit, which William Regal said is made from Peruvian chinchilla. (Which, I guess, means that Breeze isn't using faux-fur anymore?) When Alex Riley said he thought it was husky fur, Tom Phillips mocked him for once saying Breeze's outfit was made from "ostrich fur."
Much stalling took place at the start of the match, as Breeze was spending more time preening on his phone than he was getting ready for the match, which even Regal noted was a bad idea when across the ring from someone the size of Cass. Phillips put out the theory that Breeze actually can't stop fiddling with his phone, that there's a sort of mental hang-up preventing him from doing so. They also cracked wise about how Breeze considers himself a "featherweight," not because of his size, but because he thinks "feathers are as pretty as me." I guess they're going full Zoolander with Breeze, then? (Never go full Zoolander.)
Getting annoyed by Breeze's stalling, Cass led a spelling of SAWFT again, then once more when Breeze took a powder out on the floor instead of locking up, and then kept going back to his phone instead of actually wrestling. At that point, Cass started mocking him and the selfies, going out on the floor and borrowing a fan's phone to take selfies of his own, strutting around the ring and clearly aggravating Breeze to no end. It was hilarious to watch, and even the commentary team was laughing it up.
Finally, Breeze put the phone down and snuck in a cheap-shot on Cass and got him in the corner for some kicks, but Cass fired back with a couple of punches to the face for a one-count. ("Not the Face!" admonished the NXT Crowd.) Cass wound up for a third punch, then clubbed away on Breeze's back, spelling out SAWFT as he did so. Cass continued his dominance with a bodyslam and a big elbow drop, then a huge boot to the face before things were interrupted by Aiden English on the NXT-Tron.
English did a little sing-song at first, then said, "You boys like to call yourselves 'certified G's,' right? Well, everyone's a 'G' until an Artiste walks in the room." At which point he stepped through a door into a break room, where Enzo Amore was on his phone. The door closed behind him as English closed in on Enzo. This whole thing meant Cass took his eye off the ball long enough for Breeze to hit the Beauty Shot for the three-count. Cass barely stuck around to sell the kick to his mush, heading to the back to check on his boy, while Breeze headed to his phone to check on his face.
An ad-break later, we caught up with Cass backstage as he stormed up to the break room, but Enzo is fine. Enzo made fun of English, and says he threatened to kick his ass if he didn't leave. Cass told him, "Enzo, you're in a wheelchair, you can't kick anybody's ass." "Touché," Enzo admitted. Cass dismissed this as English playing games, but Cass can play games too, "and I ain't talkin' about chess." He started rattling off other games he ain't talkin' about, while Enzo punctuated every one with "How ya doin'," until Cass told him to stop. "I'm not doin' well, Enzo, he just cost me a W. What kinda man threatens a dude in a wheelchair?" Enzo replied, "I'll tell ya what kinda man: a man who's S-A-W-F-T--" but Cass came back and said, low and threatening, "SAWFT."
The whole thing is definitely pushing Cass as the muscle and brains of the "realest guys in da room," clearly the better of the two, but also fiercely loyal to his boy Enzo, who keeps getting them both into trouble. With Cass showing up English at singing, and then mocking Breeze's selfie-obsession this week, I almost want to see him bust out a sing-song of "Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)" at English. Because damn if he can't back it up.
Match #5: CJ Parker vs The Miz
This match came together last week, after CJ Parker-- smarting from a loss to Antonio Cesaro-- interrupted an interview segment with The Miz to complain about the fans hating him. An irritated Miz snarked off to Parker about it, and got slapped for it. William Regal noted that every time he sees Miz, he wants to punch him in the face. A-Ry defended Miz, saying that Miz taught him a lot, like how to talk about himself at every moment of the day. ("That's certainly true," Phillips noted.) It's good to see that Riley has a bit of a sense of humor about his own egotistical nature and can take the ribbing for his lack of experience.
Miz invited Parker to slap him again to start, but ducked and instead unloaded on Parker for a while with chops until the Moonchild reversed the momentum. Regal earned his color commentary stripes by actually explaining the psychological and physical effects of the most basic of wrestling offense: chops to the chest. He noted that it puts pain on the sternum, which in turn makes it harder to breathe.
It was a pretty standard match from there. Miz got the momentum back, but got kicked away from a Figure-4 attempt and Parker took control back with a heel kick and then the CJ Express double knees for a near-fall. Eventually, Miz came back with the Reality Check, then started focusing on the leg and knee, softening it up for the submission. Parker still kicked away from the Figure-4 again, but when Miz rolled through on a high crossbody, he was able to cinch in the Figure-4 Leglock for the tap-out win.
Regal again explained the physics of a wrestling hold, detailing how the Figure-4 works by hyper-extending a leg, and then putting pressure on it with the victim's own leg, held in place by the wrestler applying it. That sort of commentary is something we don't get too much of on Raw or Smackdown, given that the WWE is focused more on story-telling, or discussing the big spots, rather than giving a little analysis for the smaller things. This is why I love Regal on commentary and wish he'd get more of a chance to show it off on the main roster.
Backstage Exclusive: Sami Zayn
Zayn was asked about Antonio Cesaro turning down his request for a rematch, to which he noted that Cesaro is entitled to say 'No.' However, Zayn said he won't go away. He invites Cesaro to come to the ring and tell him "No" to his face.
...which doesn't quite make sense, since Cesaro came right up to him last week and told him "No" to his face. But then again, Zayn is probably just being emphatic about it.
Main Event Contract Signing Action!
Last week, Bo Dallas had a banner raised to celebrate his record-setting NXT Championship reign, but was interrupted by Adrian Neville, who wanted another shot at the title. When Dallas belittled Neville's 4:45 time to beat "a nobody" and said he could beat him in less time, Triple H turned up to tell him to prove it. Neville wisely wrestled smart and forced Dallas to try to beat him, letting the clock run out to earn himself a title shot.
Renee Young was overseeing the signing with a business portfolio containing the contract for the title match at NXT Arrival. Neville came out first in his civvies, but Bo Dallas failed to show when Renee called him out to the ring. Neville took the microphone and remarked, "What a surprise, Bo isn't here." He said it doesn't matter if Bo's out here or in the back with his tail between his legs, because Neville has his match. He signs the contract, giving it back to Renee so she can make sure that Dallas signs it-- which is when the champion himself came out at last, dressed to compete.
He glared at Neville as he had a microphone of his own, saying, "Is that what you think? You think I'm scared of you? You think I'm afraid to lose my title to you, Neville? No, Neville, I'm not scared. I'm just getting very, very tired of you." He'll sign the contract on his own terms, not Neville's, and invites him to take a seat and pay attention, because he's about to show Neville why he's the NXT Champion, and calls for his opponent.
Match #6: Bo Dallas vs Danny Burch
Neville and Renee sat at ringside as Burch came out, not looking nervous or backing down at all. Dallas had almost none of his usual deluded vapid grins on his face this week, a dark look in his eyes as his offense looked stiff as hell, pausing to stare down Neville from the ring in between strikes. The NXT Crowd tried to get under his skin with a "Tightie Whities" chant, but Dallas ignored them as he hit Burch with his short-arm elbow strikes to the head, then floored him with a short-arm clothesline.
It was when Dallas applied a fish-hook that we definitively had Dallas shifting into outright heeldom, rather than oblivious heeldom like he's been doing thus far. Burch got a brief flurry of offense, but Dallas cut him down with an axe handle as the crowd chanted "Bo-ring." Dallas finished him off with a Double-Arm DDT for the three-count.
This needed to happen. Bo Dallas' delusional faux-babyface character works only so far, and for a feud like this, he needed to show some more of an edge. The lack of any smiling throughout the segment and the match, and just a cold viciousness in its place makes him look much more threatening going into this title defense.
After the match, Dallas grabs the microphone again and calls for the contract. Neville brought it into the ring and stared him down as Dallas signed it. He told Neville, "I'll see you on the 27th." Neville took his eye off the ball as he closed the contract portfolio, letting Dallas cheap-shot him from behind. He posed on the floor, the smile coming back, but then Neville dove out of the ring onto him and they fell to brawling up the ramp as the show went off the air.
A Run-Down of NXT Arrival
As it stands now, we have only one confirmed match for NXT Arrival, the live special on the WWE Network on February 27. They're in the process of building up feuds and issues to load it with more matches, and clearly hope to make that live special a big deal for any new viewers that tune in.
- NXT Championship Match - Bo Dallas defends vs Adrian Neville
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